DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: it begins at home

Hello peeps! Hope you're all great and having a day full of miracles.
So as I've mentioned in my previous blog UN Women's moment and campaign, Orange The World: End Violence Against Women And Girls is an annual event. This year their theme is," Leave No Women Behind. End Violence Against Women." Domestic Violence is a bitter reality needing the slogan, End Violence Against Women.

 

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 HE WAS A WEAK MAN. THE SORT WHO NEEDED TO CRUSH A WOMAN IN ORDER TO FEEL POWERFUL.

Every minute 20 people are victim of intimate partner violence. A woman is beaten every 9 second. Domestic victimization is correlative with the higher rate of depression and suicidal behavior. Domestic violence happens. It is a ground reality that exists. Hidden behind the veil of compromise. Not talked about due to the taboos imposed by the society. It grown stronger feeding on the fear of victim. And most importantly our denial towards it makes it even more aggressive and brutal. Domestic abuse is of many types,

• Physical
• Mental ( Physiological )
• Financial

Only because it is happening at home does not make it right. Just because you have a relation with the abuser doesn't make it okay. Just because the violence is not leaving a mark doesn't mean you have to ignore it. Before the abuse becomes a habitual thing and you get too comfortable with it, break that cycle.

The stages of domestic violence a victim goes through makes them really confused. Now this is really important to understand that the abuser can and surely will exploit victim's confusion.

"I'm sorry I hit you, I was angry and things got out of hand, but I love you, you know that right?"

“Please don't leave, think about our little son! Don't do this to him."

“You know it's not good for you right? I mean why do you bother yourself with office and stuff? Leave that to me. Okay."

“Just one more time. You ask them for money, they won't refuse their daughter. It's for our future darling, I'm making it secure."

You listen to those false declarations of love and convince yourself that they are true. You pay heed to those fake pleadings and make sure that you believe them. You make yourself what he or his family wants you to be even if you are not comfortable with it. You are indecisive. Worried about your future, about your child’s future. All thoughts go through your head. How you'll face the so called relatives and friends? How are you going to face all those question which will be bombarded on you? You can't let your parents down. You can't possibly make them go through these series of pain and humiliation. What should you do then? You close your eyes, and imagine the best future for yourself, you ask yourself is it worth it? Even if it's 0.1111 percent YES go for it. Because let's be honest the afterwards of this story could not be worse than your present situation!

Which makes me come to second most important aspect of WHY DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. A parent plays a very important role in promoting or ending this curse of domestic violence. There are parents who confronted their sons and make sure that their daughter-in-law’s are treated well. There are parents who joined their sons in beating, burning, physically abusing their daughter-in-law’s. There are parents who made sure that their daughters are happy after marriage. There are parents who just give in to abuser's abuse. It's really important for us to understand that parental role can give courage to the abuser and it can shatter all the hopes of the victim. When after seeing those swollen eyes and marks on her body, you tell your daughter to make it work no matter what, you are actually closing all the doors for her. You are condemning her for eternity in hell. You teach your daughter, not to make the mistake of being silent. You teach her that if she is hit once, she needs to tell you. You make sure that she knows she has someplace she can still call home. You make sure that if things get worse, she knows that out there her mother and father will move heaven and hell to get her out. Don't leave her all alone out there. No, she is part of you.

Well, all I'm saying is that those silent sobs must not go unheard. Those tales of horror deserves an audience, the one who'll understand and take action. People need to open up. They need to understand this term correctly. The victims deserves all the love we can give them. It's time for us to stop blaming the victim! And let me tell you one more thing children who are exposed to domestic violence are 3-4 times more likely to perpetrate intimate partner violence as adult. So you are not doing a favor to your children if you are making a violent relation work out. And trust me for so many out there they have been improvised in their own homes with the verdict of rigorous imprisonment. A relationship is not a punishment.

Raise you voice, speak up. Abusers are just like bullies we all had in our playgrounds. You are giving him power over yourself. Once you stand up in front of the bully he loses his power over you. Scream back. Hit back. Break that chain of abuse. Like I said, just because it's domestic doesn't make it legal. Doesn't make it okay. Just remember you can end this. A better life is one choice away, its one action away! 

A big thanks to beautiful Lauren Simpson who shared her amazing photographs. Lauren uses her photography to provide a podium for these women; she engages her audience in a discussion around who these women are and who they could be.